cloud_waterAug2008

                                                           Wherever You Go, There You Are

                                                                             by Judith Toy

I am sitting in a straddle position on the gym floor in Cheshire Fitness Club in a body sculpting class, my legs wide
apart, when the teacher’s cool down music starts. Eric Clapton’s unplugged guitar plays, his soulful voice belting out
"River of Tears," which later I learned he wrote for his little boy who fell from a window and died.

"It’s three miles to the river that would carry me away, and two miles to the dusty street I saw you on today. It’s four
miles to my lonely room where I will hide my face... All I know is, since you’ve been gone I feel like I’m drowning in a
river, drowning in a river of tears...."

Not until Clapton comes to the line, "I wish I could hold you one more time..." do I lose it. My face in my hands, my
belly convulses and hot tears come, for our little boy Jesse I will never hold again. I realize I am close enough to the
door to run. I am sitting at the front of the room and 15 or 20 aerobics students are all facing front. I am mortified,
hotly conspicuous. I could stop myself from crying. I could squelch the tears. But my zen training is to feel what I feel
when I feel it–so I stay with the pain and I stay with the tears. I say to myself, "Well, what do you expect? You’ve lost
your son!"

Buni is behind me in the gym. The teacher’s confident voice rings out, instructing us in the cool down. Clapton’s
endless song goes on. Buni sees that I’m crying. She stands up at her mat. I hear her bare feet padding toward me.
She sits down close behind me with her legs in a parallel straddle. Placing her arms snugly around me, her chin over
my shoulder, she holds me tight. I feel her settling in close. And then I feel her crying with me.

Afterwards, I think of our ancestor Linji’s teaching, "Wherever you go you will find yourself," and I am glad that I did
not give way to the impulse to run. I’ve heard it said we should always hold a person when they cry, and I’ve heard
the opposite–that we obstruct the flow of mourning if we put our arms around them. I’m of the first school–always hold
a person when they cry. When Buni put her arms around me, I was able to let go in a way that would have been
impossible without her sisterly strength and compassion which flowed through me like a river.

When reminded of death, we panic, says Pema Chodron. But faced with the death of a loved one, we are facing the
facts. There is no escape. So in that instant of deciding if I should run or stop myself from crying because of
embarrassment, not running and not stopping myself, I was able to live through the moment of panic, and to let go. I
surrendered to the pain, and because I gave in even though I did not want to, there was this sparkling moment of
compassion and love with Buni, telling me I am not alone. My pain and Buni’s empathy mingled with all suffering, and
in that mingling was a richness and joy. Buni and I are sisters on the gym floor, sisters on the path–not one, not two:
we inter-are.

________________________________________________

The True Buddha

by Master Linji

"Monks, do not be caught in clothes. Robes are motionless, there has to be a person to wear the clothes. There are
the clothes of purity, of awakening, of nirvana, of master, of Buddha.

"Monks, these things are just sounds, expressions, and words. They are just changing manifestations, like different
clothes. They are made possible by the air which comes up from the qihai acupoint below the naval and makes the
jaws clack together producing phrases and ideas. You should know clearly that they are just magic tricks.

"Monks, action on the outside produces sounds and speech. Action on the inside is mind giving rise to ideas. They
are all just different kinds of clothes. Why do you perceive these clothes as true insight? If you continue in this way,
even if you pass through millions of lifetimes as monks, you will achieve nothing more than putting on successive new
sets of clothes. This is not the miraculous penetration of the truth, but a passing through different sets of clothes.
You will not go beyond birth and death; you will not be equal to the one who has nothing to do....

"In our time, monks are not able to realize the Path because they confuse words and expressions with insight. They
just note down things that have been said, the words of some old men who have passed away, in a huge notebook
which they hide away in three or four layers of cloth covers [the sutras]. They do not allow anyone to look at it and
they say that what is written down there is ‘the mysterious principle,’ then they hide it away and guard it with great
care. A huge mistake! Group of blind men, in this heap of dried bones how can they find a drop of cool water?

"There is another group, that does not know what is good and what is bad. They extract from the teachings mystical
phrases which they subject to reasoning and turn into literature and dogma. It is like putting excrement into the
mouth, spitting it out and placing it into the mouths of others. It is no different from worldly people playing Chinese
Whispers [a game similar to Whisper Down the Lane]. Their life goes past, wasted, but they continue to say, ‘We are
monks who have left the home life!’

"When some people come to consult about the Buddhadharma, their mouths are closed, they have not a word to say.
They open their eyes as vacant and black as smoke holes. Their mouths droop downwards like a carrying pole hung
with a load on each end....

"Monks, what do you hope to find as you roam around the world until the soles of your feet are worn flat? Where is
the Buddha you are looking for, the Path you want to realize, the Dharma you want to attain? The Buddha with the
beautiful marks whom you are looking for is not one bit like you. If you want to know your own original mind, you must
see that Buddha and realize that you are not united with each other, neither are you apart from each other.

"Dear friends, the true Buddha does not have a form, an image. The true Path does not have substance, the true
Dharma does not have an outer sign. All these three fit together and become one. Those who cannot see this are
still subject to birth and death because their consciousness still operates according to the accumulation of past
action, karma."

_____________________________

Do Not Waste Your Time

            by Thich Nhat Hanh

Fire can’t burn and water can’t drown the true person. Eyes don’t discriminate nature from appearance. Afflictions
come from the mind. If there is no mind, then how can afflictions bind us? In the Record of the Lamp Transmission,
we read: "Afflictions come from the mind. ...How can the afflictions bind us if our mind isn’t there? Don’t make yourself
tired by the hard labor of discimination. If you aren’t caught in the outer form, then quite naturally you’ll realize the
Path in a flash, in an instant."

Master Linji’s method of teaching was one of destruction. He took the ideas in our mind and broke them in whatever
way he could. He may have used part of a sutra, or he may have turned the sutra upside down, using whatever was
sharp and would wake us up. He picked up the bamboo in order to fight against...raiders on the border, as the king
did. He used the shout.

King Tran Thai Tong was a Zen master in thirteenth century Vietnam. He had received the teachings of Master Linji
and he wrote this poem:

I just came to the outer gate and I heard the shout.

It awoke me from my dream.

The sound of spring thunder has just broken out.

And everywhere the grasses and the plants spring up.

The function of the shout is to destroy, to break through and usher in the Spring, the time of awakening and of
happiness.

Master Linji taught, "If you keep roaming around running after someone to learn the practice from, even if you study
for numberless eons, in the end you will still be coming and going in the world of birth and death. You will not be
equal to the person who has nothing to do when he enters the temple and sits down in the lotus position."

This means don’t wander from monastery to monastery. Just stay where you are. Don’t run around looking for
someone to learn the practice from. He’s not saying we can’t go anywhere. We can go. We can go anywhere. But we
mustn’t be looking for something outside of us.

People go to therapists because they think they have a mental illness and that the therapist has some knowledge
that will cure them and bring them peace. But if Master Linji was our therapist, he’d say, "Your body and spirit have
the ability to heal. You have to return to yourself and take refuge in these elements so they can manifest and do their
work."

Siddhartha went on a search to find the Path. He practiced with a number of teachers. But in the end he had to return
to himself, and at the foot of the bodhi tree he was able to discover his own path.

We can go to a monastery or a beautiful island for retreat and healing, as long as we know that the healing is within
us and the place is just the condition that allows the healing to manifest. Don’t ascribe special healing powers to the
place. When we stop running around, we’ll be a lot happier.

When we want to run away and find something else, Master Linji would tell us, "Wherever you go, you just find
yourself." We will just meet the difficulties, the loneliness, the sadness, and the suffering we already know. Nothing is
equal to sitting there, returning to ourselves, and finding the elements of happiness, enlightenment, and liberation
right here in our own body and mind.

________________________________

Below you will find:

–Judith’s letter of gratitude to you

–Poem by Tebbe Davis

–"Wherever You Go, There You Are," by Judith Toy

–"The True Buddha," by Master Linji, excerpted from Nothing to Do, Nowhere to Go, Waking Up to Who You Are,
by Thich Nhat Hanh

–"Do Not Waste Your Time," by Thich Nhat Hanh, excerpted from his book Nothing to Do, Nowhere to Go, Waking
Up to Who You Are

–News & Announcements

–What’s Up in the Clouds? Upcoming events at Cloud Cottage

–Cloud Cottage Schedule & Contact Information

___________________________

Dear Cloud Cottagers,

What is the buddhadharma anyhow? The offering from Master Linji, our first ancestor in this school of zen, below,
continues a discussion which we began Wednesday evening in our Diamond Sutra study. With it, I have copied
part of Thich Nhat Hanh’s commentary on this teaching of Linji. Please take the time to read these. I can almost
guarantee there is a gift in here for you.

Our day of mindful papermaking was a day with sunshine and breezes perfect for paper drying on the large
plexiglass sheets Arthur brought to Cloud Cottage. And it was our first day of mindfulness that included a syllabus!
Thank you, dear Arthur. Our deep gratitude to you and the paper makers for this fund raiser for Cloud Cottage.
We raised over $600, the bulk of which went into our bathroom fund. But it wasn’t really about the money? It was
about hands-on mindful practices, seated meditation, walking meditation through the garden to select dried
elements to add to our paper, mindful use of deckle and frame, getting our hands into the "slurry," a mindful meal,
and guidance from our teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh: "If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud
floating in this sheet of paper...."

Also a deep bow to our aspirants–Laurie, Norma, Wanda, Susan and Kimberly–and to Ken who was ordained a
year ago--for taking on leadership roles at Cloud Cottage on Wednesdays. Our aspirants’ day of mindfulness this
month was yet another blossoming of the sangha, and a kind of birthing for Philip and me.

Philip and I have been told by our bank that our house has depreciated $20,000 in value. We had planned to use
a home equity loan to finish the bathroom, and that money is no longer available. We are going ahead with about
$4500 in the Cloud Cottage account. So we see this as a opportunity for you to donate the money and/or labor to
finish the job. As of this week or next, we will have a solid estimate from a trusted contractor referred by Norma.
We’ll keep you posted.

Please feel free to submit your ads and artistic outpourings to this monthly newsletter.

May all beings find their way home...

Judith

PS It has come to our attention that some of the new folks do not realize we follow the dress code of most
meditation halls in our tradition. So as not to distract from our meditative atmosphere, we ask that you cover your
arms and legs and minimize loud colors and fabric patterns, jewelry and scents. Thank you!

______________________________

                                 I am looking for the

                                 soundless sound

                                 I am looking for the

                                 gateless gate.

                                 When I look back

                                 after I pass

                                 I will utter the

                                 sightless sight

                                 and

                                 realize.

                                                       –Tebbe Davis

I do not go to the teacher

to hear the dharma from him--

But to see how he unlaces

his shoes

And laces them up again.

--Philip Toy, 080908

Cloud Water August 2008